Posts Tagged ‘Desmond Warzel’

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Cast of Wonders 386: Cosmetic Procedures (Encore!)

“Cosmetic Procedures” first appeared in the anthology It Came From Her Purse from Sam’s Dot Publishing, edited by Georgia Middleton and Karen L. Newman, published August 17, 2011.

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Cosmetic Procedures

by Desmond Warzel

When I became a private investigator, it wasn’t for excitement, or for money. The work is humdrum, and whatever noir romanticism the profession ever actually had is long gone (though I’ve got a raincoat, a fedora, and a dusty bottle of scotch in the closet, just in case they’re called for). As for money, there isn’t much–and I don’t need it anyway. I’m a dilettante, and utterly unashamed of it.

It was an ego boost, pure and simple. I suppose I just enjoyed the idea that, when some poor desperate soul was in dire straits, stretched to the breaking point, with nowhere to turn, I would be the one he’d call.

Well, now I’m sitting at my desk, unable to take my mind off the lower right-hand drawer, and the unique item therein, and I have no idea who I should call.

I am, however, extremely open to suggestions.

(Continue Reading…)

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Cast of Wonders 245: One Thing Leads To Your Mother

First appeared in Unidentified Funny Objects 2 (UFO Publishing, 2013)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 25:18 — 23.3MB)

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Show Notes

Theme music is “Appeal to Heavens” by Alexye Nov, available at MusicAlley.com.

One Thing Leads to Your Mother

by Desmond Warzel

Yates propelled himself into the office. The door closed behind him, silencing the emergency klaxons that had followed him around for days like Hell’s own Greek chorus. The only remaining sound was his pulse pounding in his head: too loud, too fast.

A seated figure shimmered into existence behind the desk. White, male, balding, wearing a tan sweater. “Lieutenant David Eldridge Yates. It’s agreeable to see you. You have yet to avail yourself of my services.”

“You’re the psychologist?” asked Yates.

“System: Holographic Replica: INdividual Kounseling. S.H.R.I.N.K. for short.”

“That’s a bit forced.”

“You may call me Dr. Turing.”

“Very clever.”

(Continue Reading…)

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Cast of Wonders 69: Cosmetic Procedures

“Cosmetic Procedures” first appeared in the anthology It Came From Her Purse from Sam’s Dot Publishing, edited by Georgia Middleton and Karen L. Newman, published August 17, 2011.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 23:20 — 21.5MB)

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Cosmetic Procedures

by Desmond Warzel

When I became a private investigator, it wasn’t for excitement, or for money. The work is humdrum, and whatever noir romanticism the profession ever actually had is long gone (though I’ve got a raincoat, a fedora, and a dusty bottle of scotch in the closet, just in case they’re called for). As for money, there isn’t much–and I don’t need it anyway. I’m a dilettante, and utterly unashamed of it.

It was an ego boost, pure and simple. I suppose I just enjoyed the idea that, when some poor desperate soul was in dire straits, stretched to the breaking point, with nowhere to turn, I would be the one he’d call.

Well, now I’m sitting at my desk, unable to take my mind off the lower right-hand drawer, and the unique item therein, and I have no idea who I should call.

I am, however, extremely open to suggestions.
(Continue Reading…)

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Cast of Wonders 35: The Most Precious of Treasures (Part 2 of 2)

The Most Precious Of Treasures first appeared in issue #5 of Shelter Of Daylight.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 20:19 — 18.7MB)

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Show Notes

Today we present Part 2 of The Most Precious of Treasures by Desmond Warzel.

Theme music is “Appeal To Heavens” by Alexye Nov, available at MusicAlley.com.

The Most Precious of Treasures (continued)

by Desmond Warzel

Cardia aimed the wand and shouted an arcane word; the jewel at the instrument’s tip glowed and spewed forth a tremendous sphere of fire, which sped across the room and spent itself against the demon’s trunk, leaving the fiend unharmed. As she and the demon circled one another warily like festival prizefighters, she tossed the wand aside and chose another; this time, lightning. The bolt shot forth and found its home, but was absorbed into the demon’s body as if it had never been.
(Continue Reading…)

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Cast of Wonders 34: The Most Precious of Treasures (Part 1 of 2)

The Most Precious Of Treasures first appeared in issue #5 of Shelter Of Daylight.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 24:16 — 22.3MB)

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Show Notes

Today we present The Most Precious Of Treasures by Desmond Warzel. You may remember Desmond from Episode 15 Same-Day Delivery. The Most Precious Of Treasures first appeared in issue #5 of Shelter Of Daylight. Desmond lives in northwestern Pennsylvania, and has had stories published in Daily Science Fiction, the anthology Candle in the Attic Window from Innsmouth Free Press, and at Tor.com.

Theme music is “Appeal To Heavens” by Alexye Nov, available at MusicAlley.com.

The Most Precious of Treasures

by Desmond Warzel

When Cardia entered the Talking Carp, Melorin was situated in the far corner, at a table which already bore two depleted pint mugs and an empty plate. She was the establishment’s only occupant except for old Chen himself, who fussed about the open kitchen slicing various odds and ends of meat and fish for the exotic foreign fare that made up much of his menu. When he looked up from his work, Cardia ordered herself a cup of tea, as well as a third beer for Melorin. A drink in each hand, she made her way across the empty dining room and joined her former colleague.
(Continue Reading…)

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Cast of Wonders 15: Same-Day Delivery

“Same Day Delivery” first appeared on On the Premises #11.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 19:16 — 17.7MB)

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Show Notes

Now, last week, I professed ignorance of U.S geography, then went straight on to prove it by locating Virginia on the west coast! It is, in fact on the east coast. My humble apologies to all Virginians for shifting your fair state so far afield! My only defence is that I live in Australia where right now we’re heading into Spring, Christmas is in the middle of Summer, we walk upside-down, navigating our way through hordes of kangaroos, and everything is generally backwards.

Today we present Same-Day Delivery by Desmond Warzel. The story first appeared in issue #11 of On the Premises. Desmond lives in northwestern Pennsylvania, and that his most recent short story publications appeared in Daily Science Fiction, the anthology Candle in the Attic Window from Innsmouth Free Press, and at Tor.com.

Theme music is “Appeal To Heavens” by Alexye Nov, available at MusicAlley.com.

Same-Day Delivery

Desmond Warzel

Renninger looked like trouble.

Of course, they’re all trouble, or they wouldn’t be coming to me. By definition.

But it’s a sliding scale.

My office was at the end of what most people would consider an excessively long and narrow corridor. It had no door, affording me a clear view of the entire passageway; a necessary concession to my unique brand of paranoia. I need to see them coming, and from as far away as possible.

(Continue Reading…)