Posts Tagged ‘Jeff Samson’


Cast of Wonders 213: Beneath the Loveliest Tints of Azure

Beneath the Loveliest Tints of Azure

by Jeff Samson

“You sure picked a hell of a day to start.”

The guard stared up at Ted with a look somewhere between aggravation and indifference. He slouched over his desk, his belly spilling over a portion of its tidy surface. His chair creaked in protest as he swiveled lazily. 

“I’m sorry?” Ted said, deepening his voice to match the guard’s husky bass.

The guard wiped a hand over his head, polished bald but for a faint horseshoe of salt and pepper hair buzzed to the same length as the patchy stubble on his face. He pushed himself away from his desk, growling as he rose.

“Ken Allen,” he said, enveloping Ted’s comparably slight hand in a powerful grip.

“Ted Kirsch.” Ted stifled an urge to wince.

“I know–Hurrel’s replacement. Been expecting you.” Ken pursed his lips. “Sorry if I seem a bit gruff. It’s just, well, visiting days aren’t exactly best for breaking in fresh meat. Know what I mean?”

Ted nodded that he did. Then quickly realized that he didn’t.

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Cast of Wonders 100: Final Time

Show Notes

Today we present Final Time, by Jeff Samson. Jeff has been here before, with Episode 74, The Gods of Stone, the story of a godlet who finds that he is, well, rather rooted to the spot. It’s a short, funny story; go check it out if you’ve not heard it before.

Final Time

by Jeff Samson

The boy stood at the podium, his hands fumbling at its edges, his body trembling.  He was breathing hard into the microphone, the rhythmic rush of air peppered with the hisses and pops of half-formed syllables lodged in his throat.  Sweat slicked his brow, causing his oversized glasses to slip down his nose.  Dampness leeched from his armpits, saturating his blue polo in growing circles.

He shook his head and drew a deep breath.

“Cou…,” he started.  “Could I have…have…”

He flicked droplets of sweat from his forehead onto the chestnut-stained podium.  His shuddering turned his words into a Morse code-like staccato.

“Have…,” he stammered, hung on that single sound.

The audience gasped as he jolted back from the podium, clutching his hands to his stomach.  He stood perfectly still, eyes wide yet vacant, as if he were momentarily elsewhere.  

He brought his hands to his face, covering his mouth as his cheeks swelled.

He bolted past across the stage, past the remaining contestants and the empty seats along the backdrop, past Natalia sitting near the end of her row.  As he darted from the shadows of stage left and into the light of the hallway, Natalia saw the vomit spray from between his fingers.  It looked to her as if the boy had been clenching a handful of mustard packets and squeezed them until they burst.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, she thought.

She stared into the dimly lit audience that rumbled with confusion and concern. The expressions on their barely visible faces mirrored those of her remaining fellow contestants. Then she looked at the panel of judges, whose wide eyes and gaping mouths unsettled her even more.

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.
(Continue Reading…)


Cast of Wonders 74: Gods of Stone

Gods of Stone

by Jeff Samson

What… what’s going on?  Where am I?

Whoa, take it easy.

Why can’t I move?

Just take it easy.

Where am I, I say!

If you’d just settle down.

Who… who are you… where are you… why can’t I move?

What do you mean, where are you?  I’m standing right in front of you.

Show yourself!

I said, I’m standing… 

I see no one.

…right in front…

Enough of your games.  There is not but a statue before me.  I say again, show yourself!

But I am showing myself.  That statue’s me, you fool.


That statue’s me.
(Continue Reading…)