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Robot Girl

by Grace Griego

At age nineteen, Robot Girl had dropped out of the most prestigious university in the country, had no objectives in life, and was now stuck pet sitting for the lovely lesbian couple at her old church. Everything she was programmed not to be and do, Robot Girl had now become.

1 Extra Large Pepperoni Pizza

Robot girl tightened her faded, pink Hello Kitty Hair band then typed her order through a delivery service, rather than actually talk to anyone on the phone. Something deep in her wiring went off at this idea, but she didn’t know why. Robot Girl much preferred not to bother anyone if she could help it. And really, she couldn’t help it, it was in her programming. “Remember, Robot Girl! Be nice and polite!” her mother had always told her before she went to school. “Got it! Polite and nice!” Robot Girl never failed to reply, the words coming out stiff and wrong.

Nice. Robot Girl had grown to hate that word. It was the kind of word a fellow classmate would use to describe you because they didn’t know what else to say.

“Oh, Robot Girl? Yeah, she’s nice.”

“I don’t really know her, but I think she’s nice.”

“Yeah, she’s really nice!”

These kinds of statements plagued Robot Girl’s CPU and played on an endless loop. The word “nice” gave off the same energy as passing your yearbook around at the end of the year and getting so excited to see what everyone else had written only to see an endless echo of “H.A.G.S.” on every page. “Have a great summer.” Something people wrote when they didn’t care and didn’t know what else to say. When they couldn’t even be bothered with the minimal effort required to write out the four word sentence in full, just messily scribbled “H.A.G.S.” and maybe doodled a smiley face next to it to give an illusion of making it personal.

“The Night Stalker was an American serial killer, rapist, and burglar who terrorized the residents of the greater Los Angeles area and later the residents of the San Francisco area from June 1984 until August 1985,” Robot Girl’s podcast informed her, keeping her CPU away from
delving into too much deep processing.

Ever since she stopped receiving objectives, Robot Girl always had something else to listen to: music, audiobooks, anything was acceptable. Lately, it’s been podcasts. Having someone else talk to her kept her from feeling… something. She couldn’t quite place what her CPU was trying to keep her from experiencing, but it almost seemed like loneli–

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

A familiar warmth settled in her stomach. Not a kind or giving warmth, but an irrational burn of wires dancing around each other while connecting and disconnecting.

Bright lettering danced across Robot Girl’s interface informing her of her brokenness.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Robot Girl said. “You don’t have to do that every single time.”

Robot Girl stared at her phone with her finger hovering over Ava. She took her hair out of the ponytail and put the Hello Kitty hair band on her wrist. She briefly entertained the idea of inviting Ava over to hang out, but she ended up not wanting to disturb her. Her phone started vibrating. Robot Girl jumped at the sudden movement, looked at who was calling, groaned, and answered.

“Hi mom,” Robot Girl said.

“Hi sweetie! How’s the house? How are the boys?”

Robot Girl looked down at Stanley and Louie as they playfully bit each other. “Uh, they’re good. The house is good.”

Silence hung in the air as Robot Girl twirled and pulled at the faded pink hairband on her wrist.

“So, sweetie,” her mother started. “Have you given any more thought about school?”

“Mom, I really don’t want to talk about this right now I–”

“I know I know, but honey, your father and I are very worried about you.”

Robot Girl wanted to cry.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

That agonizing tangle of wires in her stomach returned.

They were disappointed in her. Who wouldn’t be with such a broken machine as an excuse for a daughter? The one reminder that remained popped up on her interface.

Be polite and nice.

“Don’t worry about me! I’m doing fine, great actually! In fact, I just ordered a pizza for me and Ava to share!” Robot Girl lied. She pulled hard on the hair band.

“Ava? Honey that’s wonderful!”

“Yeah! So, I won’t be over for dinner tonight, but I can still swing by afterward to help with the dishes if you want!”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, honey! Have fun with your friend!”

Friend. Robot Girl tried to process the word.

Robot Girl supposed it wasn’t really anyone’s fault for her lack of connection to others. How could they grow close to her with the way she was programmed? She was supposed to be polite and nice. She had certain goals she had to achieve that had been implanted in her since the
day of her creation. Looking back, Robot Girl suspected it all really kicked into gear in Kindergarten.

---

It was the very first day of Kindergarten and Robot Girl was doing just fine without her parental units. The other kids were running around the classroom, screaming and sticky from God knows what, while Robot Girl sat at her desk and looked for someone to tell her what to do.

“I’ll wait,” The teacher said as she crossed her arms and looked at her students.

Robot Girl waited.

The other kids finally settled down and sat back down at their desks. Robot Girl scanned the surrounding students. Red red red red red red red kept popping up on her scanner.

“That’s better!” The teacher smiled.

Green.

“Ah,” Robot Girl thought to herself. “This is who I am supposed to please.”

Robot Girl focused only on the teacher and hung on her every word. The teacher gave every student a coloring page of a rose along with a box of crayons. She instructed them to color the flower and try to stay within the lines. Robot Girl obeyed. She colored the stem green and the rose red, and always stayed within the lines. Not even a centimeter of color went past where it was supposed to be. Satisfied with her creation, Robot Girl scanned the other student’s work. The little girl sitting next to her was doing the whole thing wrong. She messily scrawled oranges and pinks and blues and browns all over the page, paying no attention at all to the lines of the page. Robot Girl’s scanner still read red on the little girl, but she decided to help her out anyway.

“Um,” Robot Girl tried. “You’re doing that wrong.”

“What?” the little girl shouted, not even looking up from her work.

“Roses are supposed to be red or pink. Sometimes even orange, but never all at once. Also, you’re coloring way out of the lines.”

The little girl stopped coloring. She looked Robot Girl up and down. She must be scanning her.

“You’re no fun!” she exclaimed and turned back to her work. Robot Girl was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond when a reminder popped up on her scanner.

Be Polite and Nice.

“Oh,” Robot Girl said. “Okay. Sorry.”

The little girl didn’t respond, and Robot Girl turned back to her own coloring page. The teacher came over and picked up her work.
“Robot Girl!” The teacher held up her rose coloring. “This is beautiful! And so neatly colored! Class, take a look at Robot Girl’s rose!”

Robot Girl smiled. Her objective was complete. She had colored the best rose out of everyone in the class and gained the teacher’s approval. Pride registered in her CPU and Robot Girl stood up and went to the front of the class as she was told, not noticing the frown the little girl next to her wore as she looked down at her own pink, blue, orange, and brown rose.

---

That was how the rest of school went for Robot Girl. She did as she was told and succeeded with flying colors. When the teacher asked her to help his students with math, she listened. She won the spelling bee. She had her art hung in the student gallery. She was the star gymnast. She got straight A’s on every assignment and every test. She completed every objective that was asked of her all while remaining polite and nice.

Friend. The word still failed to process properly. She was polite and nice to everybody, so was everyone, technically speaking, her friend? Not really. She fiddled with her wrist continuing to ponder the word. Robot Girl took off her Hello Kitty hair band and allowed herself a small smile as she played back one of her favorite memories on her CPU.

---

It was a sunny day on the bleachers after school, right before gymnastics practice. She was sitting with Ava, the little girl from Kindergarten who was no longer little. It was the kind of day where everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, but Robot Girl had no time to slow
down. After gymnastics practice, she had to go tutor kids from 5:30- 6:30. From 6:30 – 7 she had to get student council events sorted out. Maybe squeeze in a meal if she could. The AP U.S. History essay would take up a lot of her time, so she would plan on that taking roughly two hours, then she had to study for the vocabulary test tomorrow, but she also had to find the time to work on the group project for bio, but then she had to also do–

“Hey!” Ava cut through the noise of Robot Girl’s systems overload.

“What?” Robot Girl replied.

“You always get so caught up in your own head, you know that?” Ava laughed as she lightly tapped her hand against Robot Girl’s head.

“Uh yeah, sometimes, I guess.” Robot Girl’s systems hyper fixated on the sensation of Ava’s fingertips so gently touching her forehead.

Systems Overheating

“Yeah, you always look so serious!” A male voice interjected. Ah yes. The boyfriend. Robot Girl’s systems had managed to block out his presence almost entirely, but if he directly addressed her, she must be polite and nice. “I mean, it’s like you hardly have a personality outside of school and shit. You come off as kind of robotic, you know? Lighten up! You would be so much prettier if you smiled more often!”

Robot Girl was about to say something when a reminder popped up.

Be Polite and Nice

A mechanical smile formed across her face. This is what she had to do. She would just stay quiet and he would move on, and she would go to practice and wipe her memory drive of all of this and–

“Shut up. She’s amazing!” Ava said as she lightly pushed her boyfriend.

Systems Overheating

“I– I wouldn’t go that far–” Robot Girl tried to pipe up.

“No seriously give yourself more credit. You’re extremely intelligent, you’re student council president, you’re the most hardworking person I know, you’re always happy to lend a hand, you’re extremely talented, and basically a complete badass!” Ava finished passionately.

“Uh…” Robot Girl replied, her systems glitching trying to come up with a response.

“Not to mention a total cutie! Whether you smile or not regardless of what this dumbass says,” Ava threw a glare at her boyfriend.

“What? What did I say?” he asked dumbly. Ava wrapped her arm around Robot Girl and gave her a squeeze.

Systems Overheating

“Just ignore him,” Ava whispered in Robot Girl’s ear and giggled. She was so close Robot Girl could process the scent of her lip gloss. Cherry.

Systems Overheating

“Can I get a kiss from my girl before I go?” He leaned down to Ava expectantly.

“Ugh fine.” She gave him a peck on the cheek. He picked her up and she squealed in delight. “Oh my god stop! Put me down!” She wriggled out of his arms in between bursts of laughter. Robot Girl looked away.

Robot Girl hated that he said things like “my girl” and “she’s mine” like he owned Ava or something. Like she was just an object he could play around with and drop at his convenience. Like she wasn’t a person.

Once he was gone, Robot Girl went to pull her hair up but came to a stop.

“Shoot,” Robot Girl muttered under her breath.

“Hey what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just forgot a hairband today.”

“Is that all? Don’t worry about it dude, you can have one of mine.” Ava took off a bright pink Hello Kitty hairband on her wrist.

“Oh no I couldn’t–”

“Just take it.”

“Really it’s okay! It’ll just be one practice–”

“Dude. Seriously.” Ava said definitively.

“O–okay. Thanks, Ava.” Ava took some of Robot Girl’s hair and combed her fingers through it. “Um, what are you doing?”

“Putting your hair up for you. Just hold still, okay?”

Robot Girl just nodded, yanking her hair against Ava’s grip in the process.

“Ouch.” Robot Girl said deadpan. Ava giggled at this, resting her forehead against the back of Robot Girl’s head.

“You’re such a dork.” She said fondly as she continued to comb through Robot Girl’s hair and put it up in a ponytail.

Systems Shutting Down.

---

Robot Girl smiled as she ended the replay of the memory. As it faded, she looked down at her phone: three missed calls from her mom. She probably still wanted to talk to Robot Girl about school.

The main objective throughout school was always getting into a good college. If she got into a good college, everything would fall into place from there. She’d get a good networking system, from there she’d get a good job, and from there she’d continue to rise through the ranks until she was at the top. No one from her high school had ever gotten into an Ivy League school, but Robot Girl didn’t let this deter her. She had a goal and she would meet it.

Sometimes Robot Girl would think about her fellow classmates. Not often, but when she did, something went funny in her systems. Not quite an error, but something went off. She thought about Ava and the boyfriend she spent all her time with. She hadn’t bothered learning his name. They seemed so happy together. He made Ava laugh a lot and they were always showing physical signs of their affection, something Robot Girl had never done. It didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, though. A relationship was not an objective Robot Girl needed to
meet. She never thought too long about this as there was always another club to be president of or another test to study for or another gymnastic routine to work on.

Robot Girl ended up getting into Harvard, to no one’s surprise. She gave her valedictorian speech and graduated with highest honors. All of her objectives were being met. Until one day, they weren’t. With each objective completed, the next had somehow grown more difficult, and soon there were days when she was failing to meet them. Not long after that, Robot Girl’s objectives stopped altogether. Robot Girl talked to her mom about it, but she suggested she talk to a therapist. That would mean she was broken. Robot Girl was working just fine. Without objectives, she tried her best to stay afloat in class, but she had no motivation.

Every time she tried to talk in class, someone else would say the exact same thing she was going to say but more eloquently. She read the assigned readings but didn’t actually process what the author was trying to say at all. She forgot to eat in between classes. She failed her tests. Her classmates used language that was never accessible to her in her small town. She injured herself during gymnastics. She was drowning while everyone else was fine. She dropped out and went back home. Which is how she ended up pet sitting two tiny chihuahuas with little old man names.

Robot Girl looked down at her phone. Just the missed call notifications from her mom. No new messages. No reminders. She thought back to a time when she could hardly go 30 seconds without feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. She unlocked her phone and scrolled through her contacts. So many people. So many acquaintances. No one she could actually call. Her finger hovered above Ava’s name.

Ava had decided not to go to college. She had a big family, so she stayed home to help out with watching her siblings, taking them to school, picking them up, and making sure they were all fed. Last she heard, Ava was doing online college classes while working two or three minimum wage jobs. She had always been nice to Robot Girl. She invited her to parties and movies and just to hang out all throughout high school, but Robot Girl had always had another meeting or practice or interview to go to. Ava liked showing her affection through physical means too, something Robot Girl could never bring herself to do without her systems overheating. Ava would mindlessly play with Robot Girl’s hands whenever they talked. She would rub her thumb across Robot Girl’s hands and sparks would come out if she wasn’t careful. Every mindless bump or nudge, every time Ava laughed too hard and would slap her hand lightly on Robot Girl’s knee, sent her systems into overdrive. Every touch was dangerous.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

The wires in her stomach lurched and curled in on each other.

Through the bright red flashing of her interface, Robot Girl sent Ava a message. The error messages continued to flash, warning her against what she had just done. As she checked if the message had gone through, the doorbell rang. Stanley and Louie barked as if the Night Stalker himself was at the door. To avoid any fuss, she stepped outside so the boys wouldn’t harass the pizza guy.

“My worst fear is always that one of them will bolt when a customer opens the door,” the pizza guy chuckled.

“Haha, yeah!” Robot Girl laughed, “Good thing I closed the door on them.”

The pizza guy gave her the pizza and her receipt and turned to leave. Robot Girl turned back to open the door but it wouldn’t budge. Her systems began to whir and snap and pop, and she almost asked for help when a reminder popped up.

Be Polite and Nice.

She watched him drive away.

Robot Girl checked for spare keys, realized she had been using the spare keys to get inside in the first place, jumped the fence, or at least attempted to, found an old step stool to hoist herself over, found that the back door was locked, and saw that the keys, her phone, and her shoes were all still inside. Stanley and Louie barked at her and when they got bored of that took to tearing up the couch cushions.

Robot Girl threw herself over the fence again, cutting herself in the process, and landed hard on the concrete on the other side. She looked down at her leg. Blood.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

The wires twisted themselves up and tied and untied into knots in her stomach.

She pulled on the hairband on her wrist. She was broken. She was faulty. Everything she had worked so hard for and for what?

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

What did she even have to show for it? Meaningless pieces of paper and laughably breakable trophies? She pulled harder on the faded pink Hello Kitty hairband.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

She had no one. She was polite and nice to everyone. But no one was really her friend.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

No one knew her. Not really. They knew the surface level her. She was polite and nice. They knew her as the model student. She gave people her homework to copy off of if they asked. She did all the work in group projects. She listened to people’s problems and gave advice and asked nothing in return. Now she wasn’t even enrolled in college, let alone top of her class. What purpose did she serve?

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

She was trapped. She was set on a loop. Forever the polite and nice one. Someone who was reliable. Someone who was a pushover. Someone who would always be there, but at a distance.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

She wasn’t a real person. She didn’t have human connections. She was a robot.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

The hairband snapped and flew off her wrist. She had no one. She was alone.

ERROR ERROR ERR–

“Ria?” A voice broke through to her. Cut through the error messages and the broken objectives and the wiring and the metal.

Ria looked up through tears to see Ava standing above her.

“Hey what’s wrong? I got your message. What the hell is going–” Ria cut Ava off with a desperate hug. Ria’s hair muffled Ava’s noise of surprise as she deepened her embrace. Ava let her wrap her arms around her and pretended not to hear Ria’s strangled sobs. She just held her. Kids from the middle school walked past after soccer practice, neighbors walked their dogs, and people in cars drove past the pair. What they saw was just two girls collapsing into each other on the sidewalk, holding each other as if no one else were there.